All I want in the world is for Mira to feel beautiful no matter what she looks like. Societies rules and regulations for beauty make it hard for parents to instill self-worth and confidence in their children, not matter how hard they try. When you have a child that looks "different" from what people label as normal, it makes it that much more of a challenge. I realize of course that Mira's external hemangiomas will continue to fade and that someday she may not have any trace of them at all. This won't stop her from looking at pictures of herself as a baby and forming an opinion about how that baby with a special face relates to who she is then and whether than changes how she feels about herself. I've often worried about how she will feel looking back at all the pictures I take of her. Sometimes I've even wished I could do something to drastic to make her feel more comfortable, now and in the future, with her appearance. Like that couple who got tattoos of their child's birthmark on their legs, who if you haven't read about them, you should check it out here.
It's strange how things work out sometimes. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with Psoriasis. For those of you who don't know, Psoriasis is an auto-immune disease that causes your cells to create new skin too quickly, leaving you with dry, red patches on your body. I've probably had some form of this my whole life, and it's just now decided to make itself known. It decided to do that on my face and scalp. At first I was freaking out because my face was (very rapidly) changing right before my eyes and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Then a strange thing happened. I realized that my hope for a way to show Mira how everyone is awesome, even people with red splotches on their face, was staring right back at me in the mirror.
So I made a decision. If I felt like wearing make-up to go out and feel fancy, I would. But otherwise, I 'm not going to make a big to-do about it every single day just to cover up these red splotches.
I'd like to say this will be an easy thing to do, that my confidence is amazing and that I will never wonder what someone is thinking when I have a flair up and my face looks like it's on fire. But I have my own struggle with loving myself, as most of us do, and I know I will have a hard time feeling awesome all the time. But I feel like that's also something we should share with our children. That confidence isn't something that comes easily and that it's ok to struggle with it, just like mom or dad does. I think it's ok to let your kids know that you are human (gasp, I know, so crazy) and that they can share their fears and troubles with you because you've been there (or are currently still hanging out there). So, I'm going to go out into the world as I am. I am also going to make sure to take lots of pictures, so in 10 years when we are looking back at when Mira was tiny, I can show her how both of us were gorgeous inside and out everywhere we went.
To balance out the serious vibe of this post, I chose this picture to accompany it:
