Yes, I have a cat. Three in fact. None of them are fancy show cats, just your garden variety. They all have names but we never use them. We usually just called them Fat Cat, Grey Kitty, and Little Kitty. Fat Cat and Grey Kitty came to us when I was living in Denton (or as I call it, the dark times). When I was moving in I had the front door open and they just waltzed in like they had been there forever. I discovered later that the previous tenants of my new abode had left the cats outside when they moved. I'm sure they walked in and didn't even notice there were different people there, as long as there was food in a bowl by the door. Fat Cat is our antisocial one. If she jumps on you to cuddle, you must not move at all and just lay there witnessing the miracle and breathing it in. She also has a history of mental problems. She had severe anxiety for a while and to cope she would clean herself incessantly. At one point it got so bad that she literally had no pants. The hair from the waist down was completely gone, it was as ridiculous looking as it sounds. She eventually had a breakthrough and her pants grew back, but we will always have the pictures. On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have Grey Kitty, aka the Affection Slut. She will accept love from anyone and anything (the chair, door frames, knives) and if you don't pay attention to her, she will reach up and tap you with her paw like "um, hello. um, hi. remember me? don't I look petable?". While these two cats are "special" in their own ways, this post isn't about them....it's about him.
Little Kitty.
A few things you need to know about this guy. First of all, he is not little at all. He got the name because we adopted him when he was a very tiny adorable kitten. Second, everyone who doesn't know him immediately loves him. They think he's handsome and funny and friendly. He walks with a charming look about him, convincing everyone that he is the most wonderful cat ever. Third, and the truth, he is a total jerk. He harasses Fat Cat by slinking over to her when she's in a bad mood and then staring at her for a minute straight while she hisses at him. Inevitably, a fight will break out and a ball of hissing fur will fly through the living room being trailed by Grey Kitty trying to get a swipe in. He also enjoys jumping up on your lap at the worst times possible. When you shove him off, he will try to come back but this time he will walk SLOWLY so you can't see him, because slowly translates to invisible. But the worst offense, the reason why he may not be long for this world, is when he goes full raccoon. At random times throughout the day, he will decide that life is not exciting enough for everyone and he will transform. He will puff out all of his fur (including his striped tail which looks surprisingly like a huge fat raccoon tail) and he will proceed to GALLOP through the entire house at top speed. Obstacles are not an issue because he just runs through them. At the end of his lap, he tears from the couch to both of the arm chairs (occasionally knocking them over, throwing their contents into the air).
His favorite time to do this extremely loud and obnoxious activity is approximately 3.68 seconds after Mira finally falls asleep on my chest. This is also usually after a morning of teething freakouts like we had the other day. If by some miracle she doesn't wake up during his initial attack, I try to sit as still as possible while simultaneously slinging random objects towards him trying to either distract him or knock him unconscious. More often than not this will actually cause more noise than the cat and Mira will jerk her head up and smile at me in that "Oh that 3 second power nap was amazing, I hope you got all the stuff done you needed to do today because now it's time for MEEEEE!" way. This then causes me to stand up and walk over to the puff ball of a cat and stare down at him with the best death stare I can muster and growl at him "Cat, I will kill you......"
Somehow he is still alive. Even after knocking down my external hard drive one time and rendering it unusable (dang I had almost forgotten about that....the anger is still there but the sad memory of all of my files was beginning to fade). I suppose he is a good cuddler sometimes and he lets the baby yank his fur out without reacting at all, so I guess he can stick around...
He is so completely lazy that he can't be bothered to stand up while drinking water.
His favorite position to sleep in. Notice his eyes are partially open, staring at me like a creeper.
This is another popular sleeping position. The first time he did this I thought he had randomly died on the couch and I rushed over to revive him. He jumped up in surprise and scratched my finger.....jerk.
Evidence of his absurd vendetta against Fat Cat. About 3 seconds after this picture she smacked the poo out of him.
Apparently, everything belongs to him. He also sleeps on the baby's blankets and toys and also on the remote anytime we leave it on the couch.
Jerk......
Bahahaha! Love this! Stella has her moments too! She is also a fan of laying on all of Hallie's things and leaving her hair all over them!
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